First time parents often indulge in the excitement of a new baby. However, once the baby is born things change; the once very in love and affectionate couple become stressed out and overwhelmed new parents. New baby means new responsibilities which ultimately means less money and less time for self and each other. Nights out become rare. Sexy lingerie is replaced with nursing bras; similarly, time alone becomes nonexistant. So much time is spent on doing everything right for the baby that women may neglect to focus time on the needs and wants of their mate. Although this neglect isn’t intentional, it still leads to arguements, less intimacy, and an all around uncomfortable environment for both individuals.
EGL asked a sample of mothers to discuss the most difficult obstacles to overcome in their relationships when mothering newborns.
Michelle, a 28 yr old mother of twin girls from New Jersey replied, “the hardest part was me at home with 2 kids while he went to work so I felt I was up all night and all day with no help.”
24 yr old Vannie, of Delaware, is mother to a 2 year old toddler and newborn baby girl and shared, “…the hardest part honestly was QT time for us. I always would fall asleep and he would complain that we never made love anymore. Between managing the home, baby, breastfeeding, my two year old, and work i would be exhausted“.
We at EGL realize that being a good mother is a woman’s top priority, but we can’t forget to be a spouse to our better halves. Follow these tips on how to be as attentive to your relationship as you are to your newborn baby.
Tips on how to nurture your relationship:
Be Considerate– You’ve been home with the baby all day and you need a break. But if your mate has been at work all day, he needs a break too. Let him unwind too so when he finally gives you a break, it will be worth while. Discuss this with him and come to an agreement on a time to switch roles. Once you go back to work, discuss taking turns to do the late night feedings to share the load.
Accept a Helping Hand– Many new mothers are very protective of their babies; but don’t shun out help from close family and friends. Allow those that you trust, who are willing to help, to come over in the day so you can tend to other things and sleep. If you feel up to it, let them baby sit over night. This little break will give you the time that you need for yourself and for QT with your mate.
Switch it Up– Don’t just restrict intimacy to night time. Find time during the day to indulge in it with your mate; consider an early morning quickie and utilize your baby’s nap times as your fun time.
Having a new baby can be tough on a relationship. However, it is not an excuse to neglect your mate’s feelings and needs. Becoming a mother in a committed relationship is no more a responsibility than having a career and a relationship; its all about our ability to balance these responsibilities and manage our time that makes it easier.
By Ness Baker